Single Moms Rock!

Life Lessons for Single Moms - Guest Article, Part 4

2008-09-22T11:12:00.000-07:00

Here is the last installment of the guest article by Lee Silber of Creative Lee Thinking. I hope you have benefited from his wisdom and are beginning to apply his suggestions to your life. Let me know how things are going for you. Enjoy!

_____________________________________________________

31. Take Time For Yourself. I was once the kind of person who would create things-to-do lists that were a mile long. It would have taken me months to complete the things on my list. Now I build white space into my list of tasks. It's almost like I plan for spontaneity. Try leaving some room in your busy life for unexpected things to come your way and take time for yourself.

32. Make Memorable Moments. Some people call me the life of the party, the fun uncle and the person to call when you are feeling down. What I want to create is memorable moments in other people's lives. It is the same in my own life. I am always trying something new, never allowing myself to get into a rut. I will also stop and take a mental snapshot to burn a particularly pleasant experience deeper into my memory.

33. Take It One Pitch At A Time. I read an article about pitcher Al Leiter who said that the secret to his success was to take it one pitch at a time. He couldn't change the last pitch or predict what would happen three picthes from now. All he could control, and thus concentrate on, was the pitch he was about to throw. I have used this philosophy for my writing, promoting and presentations. By being present I am able to focus on what's right in front of me. That kind of clarity is key to overcoming procrastination and fear.

34. Pursue Your Passion. I have had flashes of "everything is right in my world" but many times what I am passionate about is not profitable. I know that I need to "do what I love and the money will follow" but for some reason this is an area I need to work on. Don't get me wrong, there is a lot right with my life, but what I really want to do (open a retreat center on Kauai) remains out there.

35. Appreciate The Small Things In Life. Many times we wait for the big moments in life to celebrate. There are so many simple things we do daily that are special moments. Some people keep a dairy, others meditate and still others tell their significant other about their day. Try to take note of the small things that make you smile during the day.

36. Don't Fight Change. I'm old school and was fearful of change—especially new technology. I felt like I was being left behind. Then I figured out I needed to focus not on the technology itself, but on how it could help me reach my goals. This simplified things. Now I go with new developments that serve my goals and not worry about the rest.

37. Don't Compare Yourself To Others. As a competitive person it's hard to resist the temptation to see how I stack up against those around me. This is a losing game because some people will consistently have more and trying to catch up to them can leave you deep in debt and cause you to do desperate things. It's good to strive to be, do and have more but don't forget to appreciate who you are and what you have.

38. Empathy Is Everything. Seeing (and feeling) things from another person's perspective is one of the most vital skills you can learn.

39. Find Work You Love So Much You'd (Almost) Do It For Free. Most of my fan mail comes from creative people who hate their day jobs. They are also trapped in those same dreaded jobs because they must make a certain amount to survive. I have found that the freedom of finding work you love—and being able to pursue it—can come from cutting back and living on less. Not having to make as much money means you may be able to do what you truly desire, even if it doesn't pay top dollar.

40. Figure Out Your Uniqueness And Celebrate It. When I was an Economics major in college I was living a lie. I am, and always will be, an artist. I fought the fact that writing, performing, presenting and creating were my strengths. I would beat myself up because I was bad at math and struggled in science. Now I celebrate my creative self.

Copyright © 2008 by Lee Silber. Reprinted with permission.leesilber@earthlink.net • http://www.creativelee.com

Fun Doesn't Have to Cost a Thing

2008-09-22T09:50:00.001-07:00

Over the last week or so I have been preoccupied with finding freebies to pass along to all my single mom friends. Sometimes I get caught up in work and forget about having fun. Well this past weekend I changed that and went out and had a great time with my kids. The best part is that it didn't cost a thing.

How? Well that web searching paid off and I found coupons and codes for free entertainment. Here's what we did. I found a coupon for free bowling for up to 6 people. It included the shoes, two hours of bowling and a free pitcher of soft drink. If you have a Brunswick Zone bowling center you can get the same deal. And it doesn't have an expiration date on the coupon either so you might be able to use it for a while.

Next I found a promotional code for a free DVD out of the Redbox DVD rental machine they have at Walmart now. Normally they cost $1 to rent (which isn't bad) but I got it for free using the code BREAKROOM. There is another code that can be used too--DVDONME that you can try. You can only keep the DVD for one day so be sure to take it back on time or you will be charged. Redbox has the latest movies on DVD and a very wide selection of recent and older movies. You can also go to Redbox online and view there selections and reserve a movie to pick up at the Redbox kiosk too. Saves you time and gas to do it this way.

So that's two great activities in one weekend and it didn't cost a thing. Okay, maybe a little gas but it was worth it to see my kids having fun and spending quality time with them.

This morning I discovered that there is a free ice cream social at Cold Stone Creamery. If you have one in your area you can go right on over on September 25 (Thursday Night) and join in the fun. Here is the blurb from their site:

"To cap off this special month, don't miss the 7th Annual World’s Largest Ice Cream Social at participating Cold Stone Creamery locations nationwide, a special night to join together and share the simple pleasures of life with a FREE ice cream and family fun. On September 25th from 5:00 - 8:00PM, guests will be treated to a 3 oz. serving of Jack or Emily's Creation. All donations will benefit the Make-A-Wish Foundation."

Rockin' Single Mom Sam

Life Lessons for Single Moms - Guest Article, Part 3

2008-09-20T11:08:00.000-07:00

By now you have probably read the first 20 tips from Lee Silber's article Forty and Change. Here are 10 more life lesson tips for you to ponder. Enjoy!

_______________________________________________________

21. Early To Bed (2:00 AM) And Early To Rise. . . I have found that many prolific writers work well into the night. I have also used the early morning hours to get things done. I guess it's my need to be different (I'm up while the world sleeps) and the need to eliminate distractions that makes 10:00 PM to 2:00 AM the perfect time to work. Find your own prime time and don't waste it on trivial tasks.

22. Don't Sweat The Small Stuff. I realized recently that many of the things I have stressed and obsessed about over the years were not worth the time and energy—they simply didn't matter. It's easy to get upset and to feel slighted over silly things, it's far better to just let them go if they won't matter in a month.

23. Make a Difference. Charity does begin at home and the place to give back first is to your family and friends. There are also a lot of opportunities to make a difference in other areas—whether you give your time, money or share your expertise—this is one of the most rewarding things to do.

24. Brand Yourself Before Someone Else Does. When people hear your name what three things do you want them to think of? I have worked so hard to develop a reputation that I am proud of. I did this by acting as if I were the person I wanted to be and then when I achieved it, I continued to make the tough (right) choices.

25. Things Are Never As Bad As They Seem. Bad things happen to good people. It is the person that is able to put things into the proper perspective that prosper. When you have been through a tough time or two you start to realize that you are more resilient than you thought and no matter what happens, you can, and will, go on.

26. Sometimes You Have To Give Up Good For Great. My mentor said used a baseball analogy to make this point. He said I needed to hit more home runs (think big and take some chances). At the time I was just hitting singles (thinking small and staying safe). It wasn't until I was willing to give up good for great that things really took off.

27. Give People More Than They Expect. More advice from a mentor. Most people just do enough to get by. It is the person who goes the extra mile and does more than others expected that gets ahead in business and in life.

28. Thank You's. I have learned that following up and following through is rare. Most people don't know how to do it, nor do they want to. Sending thank you notes is the perfect follow-up. It is also a classy, thoughtful and appreciated thing to do.

29. Don't Lend Money—Ever. Enough said.

30. The Best Things In Life Are Free. Sunsets, picnics in the park, walks on the beach and are all priced right—they're free. The same is true about special occasions and gifts. Sometimes it IS the thought that counts more than the cost.

Copyright © 2008 by Lee Silber. Reprinted with permission.leesilber@earthlink.net • http://www.creativelee.com/

Life Lessons for Single Moms - Guest Article, Part 2

2008-09-18T11:03:00.000-07:00

Here are 10 more tips from Lee Silber's Forty and Change article. Enjoy

__________________________________________________________

11. See The World When You Have The Chance. Traveling is such a worthwhile thing. I rank it right up there with success of any kind. The ability to take off and get away is one of the most exciting, fulfilling and fun things I have done.

12. Keep Track Of Your Victories. Many people dwell on the things they didn't do (but wish they did) or things they did (but wish they hadn't). When you look back at your life, chances are you have done more than you thought you did and made many good decisions. Post your proudest accomplishments in a place where you will see them.

13. Commit To A Lifetime Of Learning. A library card is more valuable than a Mastercard or American Express card in my opinion. It isn't because I have written eleven books that I believe this. It is a result of all the books I read as I researched my books that I recommend a daily dose of reading—or listening to tapes in your car.

14. A Mentor Can Work Magic. The secret to my success was to find someone who knew all the right moves, all the right people and all the right things and was willing to share. I have had some wonderful mentors who made a huge difference in my life—providing a shortcut on the road to success.

15. Get Your Mid-Life Crisis Over Early. First and foremost, there is no need for one when you are living the life you want to. If you do feel like your life has been a series of compromises and you want to make up for lost time, try to do it early and get it over with quickly.

16. Wait For The Right One. When I hear things like, "Marriage is a lot of hard work" and "Relationships requires constant compromise" I often wonder if these people simply married the wrong person. When you find your soul mate (Read: Best friend and love-of-your-life all rolled into one) being together is simple, satisfying and super easy.

17. Take Care Of Your Stuff. I have always been the guy who did the preventative and required maintenance at the right time—before things broke. Hanging onto items that work well without having to spend money on new ones is one of the ways I have been able to save, travel and take time off.

18. Money Saved Is Money Earned. The secret to "having it all" is to live large on less. Many of the most affluent people I know are very frugal. (Not cheap, but cost-conscious.) They have the best of everything, but they wheeled and dealed to get it for less than full price. Being able to buy what you want without paying full price for it is an art. It's also a mindset—and one worth working on. It's not how much you make, it's how much you keep that counts.

19. Simplify. I was raised by pack rats and I was becoming one, too. I awoke one day (during a move) and starting selling off some of the things that didn't serve my life any longer. Now that I live in a beach house (with a baby), I have to keep things moving or else they start to stack up and there's no room for my surfboards. (Wink.)

20. You Need An Outlet For Your Creativity. Playing drums in a cover band was not what I dreamed about when I was a kid. It is, however, the perfect outlet for my creative (and musical) aspirations today. I may never be a rock star, but I can still have a small (very small) sampling of what it's like. Find some way to express your creativity.

Copyright © 2008 by Lee Silber. Reprinted with permission.leesilber@earthlink.net • http://www.creativelee.com/

Life Lessons for Single Moms - Guest Article

2008-09-16T10:56:00.000-07:00

I recently got an eNewsletter from Lee Silber of Creative Lee Thinking. In it he shared 40 life lessons that I thought I would share with you (with permission of course). These tips are perfect for single moms so I hope you will take them to heart and start living on purpose. Here are the first 10 tips. I'll share the rest in the next three posts. A special thanks to Lee for allowing me to share his great tips. Enjoy!
_____________________________________________________________
FEATURE ARTICLE

Forty and Change

One of Jimmy Buffett's best songs is "A Pirate Looks At Forty". It's about a friend of his (Jimmy insists he is NOT the pirate) who could not find his place or make his mark in the modern world. I turned forty-years-old this year [2005] and I sometimes feel like I am just now getting it right. (Hey, forty is the new thirty, right?) I recently had some time to reflect on what I have learned during my forty (and a half) years on this planet. In the past four decades I have had some stunning successes, and struggled at times, too. I often wish I could go back and slap my younger self and then share the life lessons I learned later (the hard way.) Since that isn't possible, I'll share some suggestions with you. I came up with the following forty things I wish I knew when I was younger. (I suffered so you don't have to.)

1. Practice No Regrets Living. Don't wait to do the things that you want to do. It seems that the older I get the more complicated things become. It was easier to travel, experiment and take risks when I was younger.

2. People Matter Most. No matter how much money you make or success you have, it's always more satisfying to share these moments with family and friends.

3. If You Have An Addictive Personality, Pick Something Positive. Yes, "everything in moderation" is good advice, but there are times when a person is so over-the-top-excited about something they will want to jump in with both feet. This is great when it's something healthy, positive and productive.

4. Don't Waste Time Worrying About The Past (or The Future). How many minutes have been wasted worrying about things that may—and more likely may not—ever happen. My advice, expect the best but be prepared for the worst. Try not to worry about things you feel guilty about from your past. Either fix them, or forget them.

5. Don't Worry What Others Think. Peer pressure and the need to fit in don't just keep kids up at night. Life is so much easier when you live it for yourself, free of the pressure of worrying what others think. Do what YOU want to do.

6. Take Risks When You Are Young. It's easier to recover from a bad decision when you are younger. It is also true that "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger." To try to go beyond what you think is possible and to take some chances is healthy and leads to learning experiences that prove invaluable later in life.

7. Starting Your Own Business Is The Best Way To Get Rich. Yes, real estate and the stock market have made many people wealthy, but building a business is also one of the better ways to create wealth. Plus, there is nothing like being your own boss. I have started five businesses and highly recommend entrepreneurship.

8. Live For Today, But Plan For Tomorrow. Living in the moment is one of the ways to be truly happy. Doing so without any plans or provisions for the future is foolish. Yes, live like there is no tomorrow, but save for the future and take care of yourself physically, too.

9. Your Time Is Your Life. Frittering away hours may seem like no big deal when you are young. However, when you start to realize that you have pissed away a good portion of your life, the concept of time shifts. Your time is your life energy. You have a limited amount to squander. Being more aware of where your time goes and how you spend it is one of the most important life lessons you can learn. Consider that every item you paid for you paid for with a piece of your life. You used up your time (i.e. your life) to earn money for that purchase. Was it worth a piece of your life?

10. Goals Are THE Secret To Success. By now everyone knows that I am passionate about having a plan for your life. I have done this for myself since I was fifteen-years-old. My goal-setting system has evolved from a list of things I want to do to a series of powerful statements, images and feelings about the future I want to create along with a plan to make it happen.

Copyright © 2008 by Lee Silber. Reprinted with permission.leesilber@earthlink.net • http://www.creativelee.com

A Little Self-Care Triage

2008-09-15T10:39:00.000-07:00

There are times in my life when things don't go smoothly in my relationships. When I am feeling unloved and uncomfortable I tend to blame myself and forget that I can't control how other people behave. Other people include my friends, children, significant other, etc.

People have their ups and downs and there are times when I happen to be on the down side. My tendency is to take it personally, but lately I've discovered that it's not always about me and nine times out of ten their behavior has nothing to do with me. Perhaps it's because I grew up in a very codependent environment that I feel the way I do---unloved, dismissed, and just plain terrible. Now that I have a different perspective about my interactions with others I do things differently.

Instead of feeling unloved, then falling into depression I just make a decision to be more loving toward myself and others. If I don't take immediate action I tend to spiral out of control emotionally. To prevent this feeling I administer a self-care triage. It is vital for me as I break out of the codependent mindset. Loving me simply involves pampering myself, treating myself to a favorite meal or dessert, reading a book, or going for a walk. I make sure that I am having positive thoughts while I am loving myself and thinking about all the great qualities I have.

Some may think it sounds a bit selfish, but that's the point. When I am worried about what other people think and feel about me I am trying to extract power from them or force them to feel a certain way about me, even if it is just in my own mind. I tend to be harsh and unforgiving over something I simply can't control -- other people. Turning the focus on myself, even for a short time, snaps me out of that codependent mindset and into a healthier mindset.

My Pampering routine includes:

Shampooing and deep conditioning my hair

Manicure/Pedicure

Foot massage (a self-indulgence tip)

Listening to smooth jazz

Munching on a healthy snack

Spending at least an hour alone in my bedroom or other favorite place

My routine is simple and easy to do. After I've completed my series of pleasurable tasks I feel better and have a much better attitude toward life. It then becomes easier to excuse what I would have perceived as negative behavior in someone else. My outlook is positive and I am no longer attached to the approval or disapproval of someone else. My behavior toward them is not based on how they treat me because it doesn't matter. I am filled up with love because I have taken responsibility for my own life and happiness. When I reclaim my personal power to make myself happy relationships are better and others are free to be themselves and so am I.

Rich Single Momma

Remembering the Widows of 9/11

2008-09-11T12:01:00.001-07:00

Today commemorates the 7th anniversary of 9/11. Many women became single moms that day and their lives have never been the same. I hope that they have found the support they need and will continue to move foward in a positive way.

Death is never easy to cope with. The grief seems to last forever, not just for the wife who lost her husband, but also for the children who lost their father. Moms have to shoulder so much and at times it can be completely overwhelming. The stress can cause health problems not to mention emotional problems. That is where a great doctor or counselor comes in.

If you are a single mom who is still grieving the loss of your husband or partner, please get the help you need today. Your children depend on your physical and mental health and when they see you coping well they will cope even better.

If you are looking for a drug-free way to cope try lavender, valerian, or any other natural remedy. You will sleep better, feel better, and begin to smile again.

You Rock!
Rocking Single Mom Sam

Having Trouble with Your Ex?

2008-08-28T10:21:00.000-07:00

I discussed respecting your ex in a previous post. Here are a couple of practical ways to put that advice into effect. Trust me, it's not hard and it may even be fun.

Find one small thing to thank him for and one less thing to harass him about. You'd be surprise how saying “thanks” can soften a man's heart, so thank him for one thing. It could be taking the kids for the weekend (even though that's what he's supposed to do), it could be paying child-support on time for the month or at all, it could be for being on time to pick them up or dropping them off, it could be for being a great dad. Whatever it is you choose, make it genuine and keep saying it until you find something new. If you never find anything else, keep thanking him for the one thing.

Compliment him in front of your child. This may go against everything you have done up until now, but it's important for his children to see him as the good guy. Find one thing you can compliment him in front of your child. It doesn't have to be he's good looking or anything like that but something worthwhile. He may have been great at sports, fixing things around the house and/or cars, telling jokes, or a hard worker. Brag on him about the one thing you admired about him when you were dating.

Note: This advice is only for women who are dating or married to normal and average men. If you are in an abusive relationship this may not help you. You should get out as quickly as possible. If you are being physically, sexually, or verbally abused please get help. If you choose to use the relationship tactic above you do so at your own risk. Men who are emotionally unstable are not likely to respond positively to this relationship tactic in a way that will benefit you.

Next time I’ll discuss another secret to a successful relationship with your man. But for now, start respecting your man and remember that it’s about both of you winning and getting what you want. Let me know how it is going for you.

You Rock!

A Single Mom’s Guide to Getting Along with the Ex

2008-08-27T10:22:00.000-07:00

If you are having trouble with your ex-husband or baby daddy, I’d like to offer a simple suggestion that will begin to change the dynamics of your relationship overnight. This advice may be helpful in getting or increasing the child support you have been fighting about, getting better cooperation about visitation, or having a more peaceful existence with your ex than you currently have.

Respect Him
Women hate to hear that because they automatically say that he doesn’t deserve respect because he’s a deadbeat, irresponsible jerk! What you are saying may be true, but if you don’t learn this one little secret you will always have trouble with men.

If you listen for a second to the man or men in your life you will hear him always complaining about not getting respect. You are not giving it to him, the boss is not giving it to him, and society is not giving it to him. He may not use the words quite like Rodney Dangerfield did, “I gets no respect around here!”, but he is saying it in so many other words.

If you are currently divorced and/or have a child with your ex you can apply the same principles. Even though things didn't work out between the two of you, throwing a little respect his way will go a long way in the future. Belittling and discrediting him is counterproductive. It only serves to make him angrier and harder to get along with. Every discussion and encounter with him will be like taking a thousand needles and sticking them in your eye. Don't do that to yourself or your children.

But, how do I respect him you ask? There is nothing to respect you argue! Well let me tell you a little secret: You are not respecting for his sake, you are respecting him for your sanity. It's his nature to need respect, especially from a woman and the mother of his children. Remember, you want a conflict-free relationship with him because you have a child together, which makes your life easier. More next time...

Note: This advice is only for women who are dating or married to normal and average men. If you are in an abusive relationship this may not help you. You should get out as quickly as possible. If you are being physically, sexually, or verbally abused please get help. If you choose to use the relationship tactic above you do so at your own risk. Men who are emotionally unstable are not likely to respond positively to this relationship tactic in a way that will benefit you.

Self-indulgence is Good for Single Moms

2008-08-19T10:23:00.000-07:00

Too many time we as single moms forget to do a little self-indulgence. We think it's too expensive or there isn't enough time considering all the tasks we have to do. Well let me tell you, it doesn't have to be expensive or time consuming to show yourself a little love. The good thing is you can do it right now. Here is a quick tip that will make you feel like you are walking on air.

Quick and Easy Foot Massage
For this how-to all you will need is lotion and your hands. It's best done in the morning or evening or both. Take your favorite lotion (I prefer my lavender fragrance lotion because it relaxes me) and rub it on your clean feet. Now take one foot and rub the bottom in circular motion with your thumbs. You can do a combination of massage strokes to get the blood circulating. It only takes a minute to complete one foot so now you are ready to switch to the other foot. Repeat the same process and in two minutes you are done.

Your feet should feel relaxed and refreshed by now and notice that it didn't take an extra amount of time or money to get it done. Please take the time to indulge yourself on a regular basis. Your outlook will be much better because you are loving and valuing yourself. Look for other self-indulgence tips in future posts.

You Rock!
Rockin' Single Mom Sam

Back to School is Exhausting, Part 2

2008-08-13T10:24:00.000-07:00

In the first part of my back-to-school tale I told you about taking my kids to the health department for health screenings and shots. My son is a riot and didn't expect that it would not hurt like he thought it would. My daughter on the other hand felt differently because she cried like a baby. Here is the rest of the tale:

Since they are going to two different schools on opposite sides of town I tried to plan my route the best way I could. I didn’t work. I still ended up driving all over the place. Fortunately the registration process was quick and painless. The dreaded affidavit that required a notarized signature was done right in the office, yeah! The ladies who helped me at both schools were very helpful and kind. I don’t think I could have dealt with a rude person very well after the morning at the health department.

Then next stop on the back to school tour was back to school shopping. This event was timed perfectly with the Grand Opening of a new Target store so the prices were great. I was able to get all the school supplies at a reasonable price, plus extras for later in the semester. Clothes shopping would have to wait until I got paid again but the kids were content because they had new backpacks and school stuff. I’ve learned a valuable lesson about buying school clothes; don’t spend an insane amount of money for them, especially for my son. So I head on over to the local thrift store and search for jeans. Most of the time, the jeans are in very good condition and barely worn. I got two pairs for my son and three pairs for my daughter. The next stop was Walmart for shirts at $3.50-$5.00 each, so I spent less than $60 for clothes. They’ll look great for the first few weeks of school and I’ll go back to the thrift store for more jeans as they outgrow and wear out the ones they already have.

Both schools have an open house that we attend to meet the teachers and tour the school. It is scheduled between 4-6pm so I have to go after work. I was not prepared for the massive amounts of people there as most parents are like me and arriving after work. It is confusing and loud at the entrance and instructions have to practically be shouted in my ear. We are rushed through each station after we find the classrooms and teachers. There is more paperwork and instructions to work through but we make it. The final stop is the cafeteria to make sure the kiddies have accounts for their meals. I shell out money for both of them and spend in excess of $80 on lunch accounts, P.E. uniforms and lockers before school even starts, sheesh!

Empowerment is Yours!
Rockin' Single Mom Sam

Back to School is Exhausting, Part 1

2008-08-12T10:27:00.000-07:00

Here in Georgia the kids are going back to school. My own kids started a brand new school because we just relocated so I had to go through the rigors of registration which wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Coming from another state requires immunization updates, affidavits of residency (notarized no less), and health screenings. I personally hate paperwork and anything that has to do with taking my kids to a doctor or dentist. I know what’s going to happen and let me tell you, it ain’t pretty. My kids, yes both of them, get all worked up over the thought of seeing a doctor. Ironically my daughter loves the dentist and has been begging me to find a new one. That’s on my to-do list, but I feel myself heading off on a tangent so let me get back on topic.

So I call the health department to find out what I need to do to get the kiddies in for their health screenings and to transfer the shot records. They operate on a first come, first serve basis most of the time and the screening is $12 and shots (if they need them and I’m praying they don’t, but I should know right?) are some minimum cost. I am pleased because this visit won’t break my budget. I do, however, procrastinate with requesting a day off to take care of everything. I want to get the health stuff and school registration done all in one day.

As usual my procrastination bite me in the rear. I get to the health department and it’s filled to capacity and there is a 3-hour wait! You’ve got to be kidding me! But I elect to wait because I’ve dedicated the entire day just in case something like this happens. The kids are restless and there are crying babies, a lot of Spanish being spoken, and no food is allowed. Fortunately I stopped and got the kids and myself breakfast before we came, otherwise we would have been in deep poo, because we couldn’t leave once we signed in. The kids entertained themselves by writing, arguing, and going back and forth to the car while I stayed inside.

Finally we got called to be processed in. the kind nurse determined that the kids did need a couple shots and the drama started. They begged and bargained with me to not get shots but they had to have them to be updated. When we finally got into the back we were met by a kind, albeit very large lady. I was shocked at how large she was and wondered how she could be in the healthcare field. Barring that she was very nice and comforting for the kiddies. She would be the one to do the examination and give the shots.

The health screen was done very quickly and they passed with flying colors. Next on the agenda were the shots. My son, the younger of the two had calmed himself between finding out he would have shots and now. He was also boisterously proclaiming that he was not scared and was going to take his shot like a man. HA! When he saw the needle it was an entirely different story. He went back to the bargaining, begging, and now shouting and screaming. He didn’t want a shot and tried to convince us that his sister should go first. I had no problem with him crying and I actually encouraged it so they could acknowledge the pain, but fighting me and the large lady was out of the question.

He was I my lap so I had to hold him and threatened to restrain him. Finally he got stuck in the arm. He let out a yelp, fully expecting it to hurt a lot more, but he was surprised that it was over that quickly and almost painless. He got off my lap and started laughing. He’s such a silly kid. Then he started teasing his big sister and calling her a baby because she was still scared. I thought his experience would make her feel better and calm her but she cried like a baby. Poor thing can’t take much pain at all, not even a needle prick. With the health screening and shots all done as well as the proper paperwork in hand we were on our way to get registered for school.

Stay tuned for the second part of my back-to-school tale.

Empowerment is Yours!

Empowered to Battle (or not), Part 4

2008-08-11T10:29:00.000-07:00

I've been discussing the right to choose the battles you engage in with the kids, the ex, and the family/friends. Being empowered this way makes life much less stressful, so let's get on with this last installment.

The Job/Career
Working is one thing single moms usually can’t get around. We have to work to make ends meet and give our kids the semblance of a normal life. But there are times when all things related to the job make me what to throw in the towel and go on welfare. It’s much safer at home where I can surf the internet all day, cook a great meal for the kids, and take naps. But instead I get up early to go to work where I am not always appreciated and praised.

There are even times when the boss is a jerk and refuses to admit his mistakes or give me credit for a product or process. I’ve learned that the battle is mostly in my mind, because in the world of work, every person is ultimately number one and I don’t matter much more than the completion of the next project. So with the battle being my head I can make some choices. I can make the choice to not take things personally.

I can realize that at the end of the day I get to go home and be with people who love me. I also understand and jump for joy that my boss is not going to come with me. I get to leave him right where he is and forget about him and the job until the next day. The battle is won in my mind and I am at peace. Of course I still do a good job, because I realize it’s more about personal satisfaction than anything.

The battles in your life and mine seem to come nonstop, but we are fortunate enough to have choices, smart enough to make good decisions, and savvy enough to make those decisions matter. Because in the grand scheme of things the little battles are just a minor annoyance compared to the joy of motherhood.

Tell me what you think. What is your experience? Empowerment is yours!

Rockin' Single Mom Sam

Empowering Yourself and Pick Your Battles, Part 3

2008-08-07T10:31:00.000-07:00

In this series I've been talking about picking your battles and empowering your life. Battles with the kids and the ex may feel like a constant drain on your emotions, but you can make the choice to choose what battles you will fight. This time we I'll talk about picking battles with family and friends.

The Family/Friends
Some single moms have close ties with the family. As a result some family members are overprotective, overbearing, or over involved in your life. I was in this situation and at times it was more stressful than dealing with my ex. When the relationship is over, for some, family is who you turn to for help getting back on your feet. Mom and/or dad can help with childcare, finances, or a shoulder to cry on. The same can happen with close friends.

The problem occurs when this support system begins or attempts to run your life. They have all the answers about how to raise your children and they seem to be the only ones who know what’s best for you. Soon you find yourself wanting to run away from home or risk a relationship breakdown because of heated words.

In my case, my daughter began undermining my authority by asking my parents for things I told her she couldn’t have. Setting boundaries is the only way to reduce the number of battles you have, if you have any. My boundary was moving four hours away. I felt my life spiraling out of control and felt a clean break was the best thing for me and my family. You may find other solutions that work for you.

Next time I'll discuss Job/Career battles. Empowerment is yours!

Rockin' Single Mom Sam

Empowered to do Battle the Smart Way, Part 2

2008-08-05T10:33:00.000-07:00

Last time I talked about picking battles with my kids about clothes, bed and bath time, food, and friends. This time I'll talk about doing or not doing battle with the ex.

The Ex
Battles with the Ex have raged on since the beginning of time (well almost). My ex is no different with the exception of nasty arguments and name calling.

When I realized that we would not be raising our children together I made a decision to treat the relationship as business arrangement. Yes, I know, it’s easier said than done if he’s less than nice and purposely gives you a hard time. Once I realized that using the kids to make his life miserable or demanding what he “owed” me, I simply made a mental list of what I would need from him in order to raise my children. Surprisingly, when it was all said and done the list was very small. All I needed (and it turns out that it really wasn’t a need) was for him to pay child support.

I am fortunate that he willingly complied to pay child support without a court order so I’ve received it since the birth of my daughter. I had no problem with him visiting the kids or arranging a holiday visit.

I learned that by removing my emotions I am able to reduce the battles and get on with living, without him that is. If your ex is hard to get along with and is determined to make your life miserable you may consider finding an advocate to deal with him for you. It could be a friend, a parent, or a sibling. It doesn’t have to be a long term arrangement, just long enough until he understands that you are only concerned with the business of caring for your child.

Getting entangled in arguments and bitter fights with your ex just gives him power and control over you. Yes it's true; allowing people to push your buttons puts them in control of your life and behavior. I don't mean to lecture, but I've learned the hard way and just have to share with you. You have to get to the point where you are not angry at him or hurt that he’s no longer in your life. Until you do you will remain embattled with him and have a miserable life.

Next time I'll discuss family/friend battles. Here's to your empowerment!

Rockin' Single Mom Sam

Empower Yourself to Pick Good Battles

2008-08-01T10:36:00.000-07:00

When I think about all the stuff that I’ve had to deal with as a single mom I’m reminded that it’s better to pick my battles rather than get wiped out in a pointless war. There is too much going on in my life to allow nit-picky things ruin my day, my relationships, and my health. I empower myself by picking my battles carefully in all areas of my life. A few battles that readily come to mind involve the kids, the Ex, the family/friends, and the job . Here are a few ways I’ve managed that might be helpful to you.

The Kids
Everyday there is something to fight about with the kids. Mine are in elementary and middle school so they pretty much have a mind of their own. There is the potential to battle over clothes, food, bath and bed time, as well as choice of friends.

The clothing battle, especially for my 12 year old daughter is a potential battle zone. She’s at the age where clothes equal popularity and the latest trends put a strain on my cash flow. Looking like Hanna Montana or the latest kid pop star is cool for her but the wacky/tacky fashions, not to mention the body hugging, parts revealing attire is enough to make me want to scream.

But I’ve learned to set a few guidelines and let her decide what she will wear. I do an quick, informal inspection before we leave the house and make firm suggestions when she wears a questionable top that will give all the little boys whiplash. She complies because she already knows the rules up front so that battle is diffused before it even gets started.

My 8 year old son is easier to handle. Just give him some jeans and a shirt and he’s good to go. There are times though when I have to remind him to put on matching socks or switch his shoes around because he still has trouble with two left feet at times.

Next time I'll talk about battles with the ex.

Rockin' Single Mom Sam

Single Mom Success Quick Tip #19 - Avoid the Super Mom Syndrome

2008-07-29T10:37:00.000-07:00

There is so much to get done and only one of you to do it. As much as you would like to get everything and make sure that everything is perfect, don’t burn yourself out trying to get it all done. The most important job you have is to take care of your child(ren) and yourself. Ways to avoid the super mom syndrome is to:

Ask for help
Set priorities
Relax certain standards regarding to housekeeping
Stop saying yes to everyone, etc
Get help in meals by having someone cook for you

Make casseroles
Cook once a month
Cook in the Crockpot
Have leftovers often

I’m sure you’ve heard that no one will say on their death bed, “I wish I had worked more”, so give up being everything to everybody and take care of yourself. Pushing yourself to do it all is the easiest way to get burned out. It won’t benefit you or your children. So relax and breathe. That’s why you have tomorrows.

You Rock!
Rockin’ Single Mom Sam

Single Mom Success Quick Tip #9 - Maintain Friendships

2008-07-14T10:41:00.000-07:00

Friends are so important to the success of single mom. Sure there are some rotten apples out there, but with a little judgment and a lot of trusting your instincts your will find some gems. Don’t forget your old friends and never be afraid to make new ones. They enrich your life and help you remember that you are still an adult.

Another important thing about friendship is learning how to be a friend. There is trust, loyalty, and commitment involved and you must possess these traits for long lasting friendship, but it is worth it. I have two great friends plus great relationships with my sister and brother, which makes four great friends. They are my sounding boards and they help me stay the course when I am ready to give up. I know I can always share a laugh with them and trust that they have my best interest in their hearts.

If you’ve neglected your friends because you are busy, stop right now, pick up the phone and give them a call. I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t mind hearing from you. If you don’t have any trustworthy friends right now make a decision that you are going to find one or two. Online friends don’t count. You need someone you can talk to on the phone, go shopping with (even if it’s just window shopping), or have lunch with. Online friends are okay but they can never take the place of a friend in the flesh.

Free Online Chore Helper

2008-05-09T10:42:00.000-07:00

Some days it is harder than others to get the kids to do their chores. Threatening works for some, money for others, and prizes for the rest. To help you start a chore program that both you and your kid will use sign up for the free online chore helper Handipoints. You assign and keep track of the chores and your child racks up points to get cool stuff. It's a win-win deal. Check it out right now!