A Little Self-Care Triage

There are times in my life when things don't go smoothly in my relationships. When I am feeling unloved and uncomfortable I tend to blame myself and forget that I can't control how other people behave. Other people include my friends, children, significant other, etc.

People have their ups and downs and there are times when I happen to be on the down side. My tendency is to take it personally, but lately I've discovered that it's not always about me and nine times out of ten their behavior has nothing to do with me. Perhaps it's because I grew up in a very codependent environment that I feel the way I do---unloved, dismissed, and just plain terrible. Now that I have a different perspective about my interactions with others I do things differently.

Instead of feeling unloved, then falling into depression I just make a decision to be more loving toward myself and others. If I don't take immediate action I tend to spiral out of control emotionally. To prevent this feeling I administer a self-care triage. It is vital for me as I break out of the codependent mindset. Loving me simply involves pampering myself, treating myself to a favorite meal or dessert, reading a book, or going for a walk. I make sure that I am having positive thoughts while I am loving myself and thinking about all the great qualities I have.

Some may think it sounds a bit selfish, but that's the point. When I am worried about what other people think and feel about me I am trying to extract power from them or force them to feel a certain way about me, even if it is just in my own mind. I tend to be harsh and unforgiving over something I simply can't control -- other people. Turning the focus on myself, even for a short time, snaps me out of that codependent mindset and into a healthier mindset.

My Pampering routine includes:

• Shampooing and deep conditioning my hair
• Manicure/Pedicure
• Foot massage (a self-indulgence tip)
• Listening to smooth jazz
• Munching on a healthy snack
• Spending at least an hour alone in my bedroom or other favorite place

My routine is simple and easy to do. After I've completed my series of pleasurable tasks I feel better and have a much better attitude toward life. It then becomes easier to excuse what I would have perceived as negative behavior in someone else. My outlook is positive and I am no longer attached to the approval or disapproval of someone else. My behavior toward them is not based on how they treat me because it doesn't matter. I am filled up with love because I have taken responsibility for my own life and happiness. When I reclaim my personal power to make myself happy relationships are better and others are free to be themselves and so am I.

Rich Single Momma